The answer : Everything starts with a name. When you name something, you create an identity of it. It develops a personality and creates therefore a differentiation between itself and the world. Similarly, exactly when you say duryodhana or shakuni, or even krishna, you create an identity and therefore seperate it from the world. It therefore has to perform its differentiating functions , because it has created an imbalance.

Where does this ‘name’ come from? I suppose its the result of sound, and sound is a result of imbalance or opposition. It is energy itself, which has come from mass, in true einsteinien world. It can therefore be said that when everything was balanced and dead, a small imbalance in the form of sound was created. This sound is sometimes denoted by the word ‘OM’, and this started the process of naming. The name started the process of differentiation, and therefore someone once said, until something is named, it does not exist- and truly so. A chariot is a thing composed of smaller things such as wheels etc, which in turn are composed of still smaller things. A chariot does not have an existence of its own.

And therefore when you utter a word, it causes a differentiation. The ‘thing’ is a whole, and since words create a differentiation, they cannot be used to describe the whole- perhaps the only way out is to speak therefore in opposites, like do you drink tea- or does the tea drink you?

Therefore Krishna was actually a balancing field to the baddassness of duryodhana, and while he could change him, Krishna did not since he himself was bound by cause and effect.

All this- to what end? How does it matter if a life force helps itself? It is nothing but easing the flow, and therefore providing a continuity. Will it matter to the starfish, or will it matter to the boy? Maybe it will matter to both, and it will also matter to the onlooker. But everything is the same. Does it matter what you think?

What is neither good nor bad? Both or nothing. Everything happens because of an imbalance. If there were no imbalance, everything will stop shifting between the opposites. What good or bad can come out of such a thing? What would be the meaning of such a thing to exist? What would be the reason? The only reason can be to help people be what it itself is. That is the only thing it can do. And perhaps that is what everyone is really doing- showing a way that he himself believes in, because he understands only that.

Self-propagation? Is this all it is about? I wish there were more to it. This is too simple.

When you don’t have a context or a stand, when you are transparent and do not resist, the meaning will flow through you silently. And this is only possible when you let go of yourself and simply dissolve. How can you dissolve, when years and years of your conditioning and experience and intellect tells you and warns you to protect yourself against people who might use you? The only answer is to simply trust and believe that no one is here to take advantage of you. You have to have an unflinching belief that if you let go, you will not become vulnerable and weak. You have to stop trying to always reason out things.

And letting go is not easy. People think they can just leave everything if they have to. Nothing can be further from the truth. Letting go involves most of all letting go of yourself. Letting go involves being alone, unguarded. Letting go involves a courage to enter a pitch black cave where you just don’t know, nor can find out what you might bump into. Therefore, letting go involves overcoming the fear of the unknown and embracing the uncertain.

The method of  knowing the unknown is to forget the known.

But on the dissolution of the i, the cause-effect cycle of which the i becomes a part ceases. After all, the i is only a storehouse of memories. so when i dissolves, memory ceases, and all sorts of effort- which are only an affirmation of identity ceases. It is impossible to live in these times with no i,  without reacting, because each of us have to earn our daily bread.

What then is effortless action?

the problem is the ones that think differently cant escape the cause-effect driven society . So they force their minds to fit in-which makes them socially awkward. 

Arent we all trying to fit into a society and still maintain a sense of personal identification? Knowing that you are replaceable is indeed very heart breaking. but you are replaceable , because you simply are not. you ( or what you think you are ) are just an idea. a storehouse of memories intoxicated by emotions.

living is sometimes such a waste of time because it all amounts to nothing. you would rather be doing something else. and it is in search of this something else that makes us invent gods.

How can complete ego-lessness imply a uniqueness? it is actually a merging with the universe….but to what effect? We still have to remain a part of the world. escaping from thoughts still binds you to this earth.

But more importantly, what does one do when one has escaped? how does one keep living knowing there is nothing more to arrive at? What post nirvana? How does one stop falling into a depression when one knows there is nothing to be found after finding nothing? What does one do with this emptyness if not preach about it ?

life demands that you retire and fall away from the cause effect cycle. There is nothing more to achieve. How does one live in a society without an ‘i’….how does one live in a society that demands action based on thought? by being what one is not?

What does one do with this new found peace that lies beyond understanding? that cannot be communicated? What once you are completely satisfied? What do you do with this truth? Organize it? But that only defines and restricts it…

What when nothing effects you anymore? What if you die emotionally? What if you die to the reality that you once knew? What do you do when you realise that the one eating the fruit is the same as the one watching you eat the fruit? what now,,that the observer is the observed?

its dead easy to die…its the keeping on living thats hard. and it is not a depression. it is a fact of the simply is that is overbearing. what use is a society without an i?

thoughts are but memories.

things are ,,,and then we record them,,,and then they register. then we call these as memory/knowledge/information and all such other words.

as life progresses, our brains get sharper and this process becomes automatic. slowly we become conditioned. our beliefs become our reality.

 therefore, we forget how things actually are…and it becomes extremely difficult to see things as they are , as a whole. We see parts and make them up to form the whole ( which is actually what we ‘think’ is the whole ) . Therefore things always lie in the sphere of our conditionings. We see things as we are conditioned to see them.

There is however a process to de-condition this, and then you finally see yourself as (a part of -although without this division) the whole.

Having seen this, there remains no illusion of the ‘i’, since there is no reference from which we have ‘seen’…….and hence no self ( Primarily speaking, all our conditioning is based on an idea of the ‘self’) . Things dont mean what they used to be, since there simply is no identification

This could be what they call ego-death- but i am not sure on this part.

Having attained such a state, the previous conditionings suddenly rush forth, and we are thrown into darkness of our own conditioned thoughts-and this time , without the self, these thoughts serve only to confuse. slowly they ‘purify’- simply meaning die away, and then you have finally arrived.

But now that you have arrived, post-realization ( in this context), what is next? Absolutely nothing. And then what? You have to wilfully fall back into the cause-effect cycle…because the world we live in is too advanced for this ‘retarded’ (slow) thinking.

Our thoughts ( which are memories) and therefore our world ( since we are conditioned) are based on the principle of rewards and punishment.

And therefore someone was wise enough to say- before enlightenment, the laundry…after enlightenment, the laundry.

But more deeply so, when things are seen as a whole without the self, we realise that we are that. and there is nothing apart from this ‘emptiness’.

There is nothing to be arrived at, we are already there. There is nothing to be found. What i am trying to do is marry the terms sunyata from buddhism and tat tvam asi from hinduism. Although i am too small to comment on such things.

neither existence, nor non-existence. thats advaya from buddhism. You are the world and the world is you. Thats advaita.from hindusim.

More on this coming up i hope. signing off for today i am . and still, strangely , ‘ i’ am not.